I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
Randomize
