Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
Randomize
