OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
Randomize
