i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
