i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
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