4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
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