I'm laying in your front yard are you home
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
Randomize
