I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
Randomize
