Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
handjob tips. give me some.
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
