Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
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