she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
