I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
Randomize
