I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
Randomize
