the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
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