I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
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