You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
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