There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Randomize
