his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Randomize
