Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
Randomize
