I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Randomize
