Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
Randomize
