Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
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