anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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