Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
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