And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
