Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
Randomize
