So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Randomize
