Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
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