Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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