tell your sister to shave her snatch
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
God I need to hump something, right now.
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
