Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
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