I think I am morally bankrupt
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
Randomize
