y did u give ur computer a hand job?
Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
