Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
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