Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
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