I'm going to rape someone's good day.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
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