im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
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