Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
Randomize
