under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
FUCK WHALES
i out mim tonsoeep
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
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