is your mom at the bar?
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
