first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
