yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
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