i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
Randomize
