whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
Randomize
