Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
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