Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
Randomize
