Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
Randomize
