they need to just BURY HIM!
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
Randomize
