She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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