She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
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