he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
Randomize
