You're my little dorito
You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Randomize
