dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
Randomize