New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
Randomize
