I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
Randomize
