It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
Randomize
