When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
Randomize
