He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
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