I must be too annoying 4 u.
What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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