new low.... made out with someone while peeing
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
So... he formspringed me a link to every nude pic ive taken since he 8th grade. ive evolved nicely. but im nervous as to how this a website.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
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