Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
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