yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
Randomize
