Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
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