U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
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