just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
Randomize
