just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
