also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
