ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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