I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
