He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
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