Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
Man, jail baloney is awful.
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
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