Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
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